The Aftermath

Yesterday my wife of nearly four years turned thirty years old. I made certain that her birthday was a memorable one. She began celebrating it earlier this month when my in-laws came into town to visit. She then proceeded to celebrate her birthday by flying down to Phoenix to celebrate with her former graduate school classmates. Finally, the culmination of the celebrating came last night as we hit the town with a handful of friends to say goodbye to her twenties. After a long night of celebration she took a small nap on the couch, so I took the liberty of sketching her.

McRevolution Part One

This was originally posted December 9th, 2006. Part Two, completely new, will be posted tomorrow.
What the hell?
Fast food in general is a totally awful concept to begin with, but I was astonished to recall by watching these following commercials from the 1970s at how easily persuaded we and the pseudo-public sector are by capitalistic empires such as McDonald's.
Please watch the following clips before continuing with this blog:
McDonaldsLand TV AD from 1970s.
1970s McDonald's Commercial (Sadly this link is dead)
Mayor McCheese is the Law
Yes, ladies and gentleman that WAS a young Jodie Foster in the second commercial with the line "No Coke."
Now, by watching a few commercials like that in the waning days of the year 2006 my reactions are as follows:
Number One: Roll over and laugh my guts out
Number Two: Pee myself, because I'm still laughing that hard.
Number Three: Become highly skeptical about what I had just viewed, because the laughing fit is starting to subside.
Number Four: Cynically blog about it.
Back in my formative years, following a barrage of colorful and happy commercials such as those I would have probably wanted to go to McDonaldLand so I could enjoy a Triple Thick Milkshake or a hamburger that is harvested off of some strange bush.
Now folks, bear with me here, this is where the cynicism begins.
Upon watching these commercials I recalled that my publicly funded elementary school had invited Ronald McDonald and a few of his friends to our gymnasium to stage a peculiar public service announcement about the importance of a balanced diet and the necessity of the four basic food groups. At the time I was in either kindergarten or first grade, can you imagine what this would be like for a five or six year old kid? I had no idea at the time that I was being blindsided by the horrible one-two punch of hypocrisy. I had no fucking clue what was coming out of Ronald's mouth, nor did I care. I was just an ignorant kid that now had a hankering for some goddamned french fries and you can probably guess that my mom was going to take me to McDonald's that day to satisfy my itch, because I had a fucking living, breathing commercial come to a safe place, my publicly funded elementary school, and confuse the hell out of me about proper nutrition.
Another thought that crossed my mind was that my dentist, not publicly funded, but still an authority figure who children should have a trusting relationship with, had always handed out coupons for free McDonald's cheeseburgers after I had my teeth cleaned when I was younger. What the fuck? What kind of scam is this? That fucking dentist knew that I would beg my mom for a triple thick milkshake or that Coca-Cola fix that all the kids, including a young Jodie Foster had wanted! Fuck him! Next thing you know, in a few months I arrive at Cavity City!
What a scam!
Folks, that is where the cynicsm ended and here on out, I introduce to you the awful fifth reaction that I seemed to have left out before:
RAGE!
No wonder we have an obesity epidemic in this country! We, as a nation, were tricked into believing proper eating habits included a fucking four piece Chicken McNugget, small french fry, orange drink, and the newest transforming food toy that was made by malnurioushed child laborers in a foriegn country!
Fuck you Independent Minnesota School District Number Sixteen circa 1984-1985.
Fuck you dentist, whose name escapes me, but I still hate you anyway!
Lastly, fuck you McDonalds! You make it look all so great, but we just keep getting fatter and sicker and you reap the profits.
I am not lovin' it McDonald's.
Not at all.

New bewilderedkid comic strip!

This one will take a little bit of explaining. I created this about a year ago when there was a buzz in the news of a firm based in the United Arab Emirates taking over the security of six United States seaports. This strip is a way of overreacting to the major media outlets overreacting. Also, it is the first appearance of my alter-ego! Enjoy! Remember to click on the picture for the full screen - it's easier to read that way.

I Feel Really Sorry For This Guy

Over the weekend I read a few graphic novels. Two of which were created by cartoonist Jeffrey Brown, strangely enough yet another artist that I have featured here that has been published by Top Shelf Productions. The books that I read, Unlikely and Every Girl is the End of the World For Me, really hit close to home. Until I met my wife of nearly four years I was not at all popular with the ladies in a romantic sense. Sure, I had girlfriends here and there, but I was finally introduced to "the one," which is why I really truly felt for this guy. I know that I shouldn't, because I am certain that his books are not intended for the reader to feel the type of remorse that I did, but honestly, this guy pours his soul into these books.
The other day I was talking to someone, whom will remain anonymous, about his thoughts on Jeffrey Brown. His argument was that Mr. Brown's body of work was too pretentious. Next, this same gentleman proceeded to bash the entire line of Top Shelf books as being too intellectual. When asked if he had read any of the books, he nonsensically replied, "no." Of course after that, we argued, I lectured, and neither of us agreed with one another. As it is with simliar encounters I learned that not everybody has a heart, brain, or soul. The most amusing piece of information that I can divulge about this debate is that although this man decided to judge an entire library of books based merely on their cover art he also claims to be heavily endowed by spirituality through Christianity.
"Judge not, that ye be judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Matthew 7:1-2. I guess it's a good thing that I'm not Christian, otherwise my judging others would get me in trouble.
In closing, although I felt bad for Jeffrey Brown by pouring his soul into each autobiographical book that he has released, I felt even worse for the judgemental Christian man, which happens to be the purest form of an oxymoron that I could ever dream to come up with, who decided that Mr. Brown's work and the entire catalog that Top Shelf Productions offers is too pretentious and intellectual without ever reading them.

The Real Price of Oil

I wrote this on April 30th, 2006 while still living in Phoenix, AZ. It was originally titled "ExxonMobilShellBpChevronTexacoConocoPhillips." Isn't it funny how things don't really seem to change that much over the course of a year?
The price of gas has gone up again. However, shouldnt we have expected this?
Everyone seems to be absolutely outraged because the price of gas per gallon has reached the $3.00 mark, well at least it has here in the desert. Similarly, last year, everyone was equally upset when the price of gas per gallon was $2.00. Although I am also upset, I will not be completely outraged until the price per gallon reaches $4.17. Why $4.17? Why not? It is really just an arbitrary number, much similar to the round, even numbers that everyone has been clamoring over. Okay, enough sarcasm, for now.
Everybody has been debating this from the common person on the street to the major media outlets and it has been debated this week on the United States House and Senate floors. So, why has there been a sudden spike in these prices? There are many contributing factors and perhaps by listing them we can figure out who exactly is at fault.

Contributing Factor Number One:
There are five major oil manufacturers in the United States and they have recorded record profits since 2001. As of February 1st, 2006, the following companies have recorded the following profits:
ExxonMobil: $89 billion
Shell: $60.7 billion
BP: $53 billion
ChevronTexaco: $31 billion
ConocoPhillips: $20 billion
See Link: Skyrocketing Gasoline Prices and Record Oil Profits: No Coincidence
With such a small group holding a majority of, and making significant gains on, the nation's oil production one could expect them to set the prices to whatever the feel.

Contributing Factor Number Two:
Many say the reason for the high gas prices could be that we do not have enough operations for refining oil. It is true that the a new crude oil refining operation has not opened in the United States since 1974. However, this argument is meant to be an attack against environmentalists, who do not want the pollution that crude oil refineries cause. The lack of oil refineries could be remedied by either opening more, investing in the research and development of alternative fuels, or by forcing the automobile industry to implement stricter Corporate Average Fuel Economy standards for light trucks and SUVs.
See Link: Energy Information Administration - Demand (Funny sidenote, this link no longer exists)

Contributing Factor Number Three:
We are relying on foreign oil. The United States is the third largest oil producing country, behind Saudi Arabia and Russia, but instead we rely on a large majority of the oil we use from other nations. Okay, so where does our oil go? The oil produced here is then put into the Department of Energy's Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR). This reserve is currently at approximately 96 percent capacity.
See Link: Department of Energy - Fossil Energy: Petroleum Reserves

Contributing Factor Number Four:
We will not drill in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. Once again, this is an attack against environmentalists. Personally, I really do not understand how this would help us out when our SPR is at 96 percent capacity and a Saudi Arabian official claims that they have more than enough oil for everyone.
See Link: MSNBC.com: Top Saudi Says Kingdom Has Plenty of Oil
Then again, are the Saudi's just trying to make us become more reliant on their choice for an energy source?

Contributing Factor Number Five:
There is always that mysterious connection between the current Administration and the oil companies, which some consider mere heresy. Although it does seem convenient that these oil companies would see "record windfall profits" during this Administration's reign and that our Commander in Chief was formerly in the oil business.

Contributing Factor Number Six:
The United States has been involved in saber rattling with the country of Iran. As you may or may not know, Iran has continued its uranium enrichment program and is continuing to do so, even though the United Nations had called for a halt to all of Iran's nuclear program activity. Since the United Nations deadline to stop enriching uranium has passed, the United States is going to the United Nations Security Council to "see what to do" about this situation. Funny, they did a similar thing a few years ago with Iran's neighbor and former fellow "axis of evil" conspirator, Iraq.
See Link: The New Yorker: The Iran Plans

Contributing Factor Number Seven:
I guess it is our fault since the auto manufacturers force us to buy big gas guzzling sports utility vehicles, we drive way too fast, crank up the air conditioning when it is not necessary, and do not understand what the word conservation means.

So, what can we do?
Now as many have said in the past, there are alternatives.
One Republican Representative, Gil Gutknecht of Minnesota, last week introduced a bill that would increase the amount of ethanol, which can be used as a renewable fuel additive, into gasoline. His plan is for gasoline to be 10 percent ethanol by the year 2010. In my opinion, I believe that we have the technology in America to do better than this, but it is a start. Ethanol is one of the renewable energies that can replace gasoline. Currently, 30 ethanol refineries are being constructed across the United States. Additionally, there is a surplus of corn in America, which we subsidize farmers to grow. The corn that is not used in the United States our government buys and sends to Mexico, which undercuts the farmers there, puts them out of a job and then they cross the border to the U.S. creating a whole bunch of different issues, but let's not go there, today.
See Link: U.S. Congressman Gil Gutknecht: Renewable Fuels: The 10 by 10 Act (What a wonderful surprise, this is now a dead link!)
Another idea is the Hydrogen fuel cell. Many will say that we don't have the research and development to make this possible, those many are correct. However, Iceland does have the R&D to make this possible. Moreover, Iceland is attempting to create a hydrogen-based society by the year 2008 and have been doing so since 1998.
See Links: BBC.com: Iceland Launches Energy Revolution
About.com: Hydrogen Fuel Cells - Where Do We Go?
Another idea is running on biodiesel. Biodiesel is a cleaner-burning fuel that is made from sources such as vegetable oil. Yes, the same crap that can cook McDonalds French fries can run your Dodge Ram 2500 as long as it has a diesel engine. Willie Nelson, the famed country-western singer, opened up a biodiesel station near Dallas, Texas. Moreover, all six of his tour buses run on biodiesel.
See Links: Willie Nelson Opens Up a Biodiesel Station, South of Dallas National Biodiesel Board (Sadly also a dead link)
Another idea? Walk and or bike when driving is unnecessary, get a more fuel-efficient vehicle, don't drive so damn fast, and don't use the A/C when not necessary. Today in Phoenix, it is going to get up to 98 or 99 degrees. I refuse to turn on the A/C. Not until I am unable to get off my couch, because my body hair is sticking to the furniture, and by that time my wife will need to turn the A/C on for me anyway.
Now my questions to the thoughtful public.
1. How much do you think is too much for a gallon of gasoline?
2. If the President is so worried about getting America off of its oil addiction, then why hasn't he given the American people a definite twelve-step plan to overcome its dependency?
3. Why is it so damn hot in Phoenix and can I blame someone for that?

My Muses: Misery, Anger, and Love

Last night, I intermittently laid awake in bed until 4 AM. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I practiced this reverse form of narcolepsy. One thought in particular was a question I posed to myself. What is my muse? What is my inspiration for creating art, more specifically, my favorite form of art, comics? I rifled through my comic strips this morning, most of which have yet to be posted, and saw three running themes - misery, anger, and love. These emotions seem to be the motivation for a majority of my stories. By no means does any emotion hold precedence over the other. However, I noticed a common recipe for each strip.
Generally, there is a particular misery. For example, let's examine the first two strips that I have posted on this site. My misery, as the victim, or protagonist, in each strip, is that I am inudated with a complete disregard for human emotions by the antagonist. This antagonist creates the misery of the protagonist, because I cannot alter the actions or course of behavior of the antagonist. In my first strip, unlike my second which offers a more direct approach as the protagonist reacts with rage at Mr. Head, the victim does nothing to counteract the antagonist's rage. However, as I am able to assume the second role of narrator, I add cynical prose to force the audience to relate to the victim and not to Mr. Head. An example of the narrator counteracting the antagonist's rage is in the following passage where Mr. Head berates the sales associate, "Furthermore, if I needed any help I would have found you! Also, if I couldn't have found you I would have bitched and moaned about not being helped!" I know in the strip it is very straight-forward, the antagonist doesn't truly know what he wants even though he claims to know what he wants. However, by assuming that my muses are misery, anger, and love, it is difficult to find my muses in each story. Love is even more tricky to find in each strip, which is becasue it is included in the creation of each strip. In both strips, the victim puts himself into positions where his dignity can be compromised - customer service. If the narrator did not love his ability to create these situations and share them with his audience then he would not, in his everyday life, put himself into situations where one of he was able to interact with his other muses, misery and anger. In summation, the three muses, misery, anger, and love, create an endless circle. This circle, at least in the first two strips, is created by misery, which is followed by anger as a defense mechanism - whether literally or not, and then finished with the narrator's ability to meditate about such situations by allowing his love and passion for creating comics to take flight.

Character Profile: Richard Head

Okay, I've had a few offline comments for the reason of using a gigantic penis as a character in my comics. Well, here's the reason. Mr. Richard Head, no relation to the 17th century English author, is an amalgamation of all the assholes, pricks, and downright jerks that I've met in my lifetime and believe me there have been a lot of them. There is no deep meaning to the character, just a not-so-clever way in which I vent my frustrations. So there it is, an explanation for those who needed one.